Review of Baywatch (2017) by Donald B — 12 Sep 2017

Want to witness macho posturing among equally ripped dudes? Watch sexy women run about in slow-motion? How about listen to toothless dick and boob jokes? Well, I have the movie for you . Sitting through this pile of puke was tough, but I made it through mostly unscathed. The plot is as banal as you could have ever imagined. The Baywatch team investigating a drug ring/ murders? Was the television show like that too? I never saw it so you tell me. What really pains me about the lame plot is that the police are so inept in this movie. Incapable of putting 2 and 2 together, missing key evidence and clues and allowing the Baywatch team to consistently defile the crime scenes without repercussions. A common plot element in this, is what I like to call the Fem-Trophy. This occurs in many movies and is basically when the guy gets the girl at the end, despite them being at odds all film. The men are being rewarded with the women as a token of appreciation for a job well done by the writers.

The main question you may be asking right now is "why did you even watch this?". And to that I say "...".