Review of Baywatch (2017) by Thequietgamer — 04 Nov 2017

Essentially it tries to do for Baywatch what Phil Lord and Chris Miller did for 21 Jump Street. It's stupid, nonsensical, and unnecessarily vulgar. All things I'm usually okay with provided the movie is funny. Baywatch just isn't really. The movie at it's best when it's reveling in it's own absurdity. Something it isn't able to do all that much of as it never gets as goofy or over-the-top as it needs to. The majority of jokes here are of the same variety you'll find in any other modern R-rated comedy these days. The difference is here they feel flatly delivered despite Efron and Johnson giving it their all. There are a few chuckles, but not enough to make this stand out from the pack.

The plot is a whole bunch of nothing. It makes no sense, but to be honest it didn't really need to. It just needed to give it's cast reason to do a bunch of stupid stuff. It serves that purpose and not much else. The sense of self-awareness Baywatch has about itself feels underserved. You can't really be in on your own ridiculousness when you aren't that ridiculous after all. When it isn't cracking lame jokes or moving it's bland plot forward with some really boring investgations, the film is all about glorifying beautiful bodies. There's some eye candy here for both the guys and the gals. It's ultimately not a very sexy movie, but if you're really young to the point where you really shouldn't be watching this in the first place, then there might be some excitement here. The rest of us will just sort of not really care.

Dwayne Johnson and Zac Efron are just as likable as ever. The movie? Not so much. It never gets as silly as it needed to be. The results are pretty bland as a result. There are plenty of better comedies out there that play more to the strengths of the two leads. I mean Baywatch isn't exactly awful, but it's not good either. If you want to see sexy bodies and hear some dick jokes there are plenty of better alternatives out there that will give you your fix. Or you can just actually go to the beach with your dumb frat buddies. Let this one get lost at sea.