Review of Battleship (2012) by Jiana W — 15 Aug 2013

It wanted so, so badly to be Transformers. You could tell it was striving to get there but it just never worked out. There's lots of epic action that doesn't really let up. Some of the weapons the aliens use are awesome, like the spinning tire-like things that tear through structures until they're nothing but piles of dust and ash. If you're in it for noise and explosions, you won't be very disappointed. If you like a little more than that, you're SOL.

One of the issues in the movie is that you just don't particularly care for the characters. Most of them are cardboard cutouts, fitting neatly into stereotypical boxes. I mean, you got the tough tomboy chick (Rihanna's character.) You got the slacker/rebel who has a hard time living up to his potential but who you KNOW is going to step up in the end (Kitsch's character). And of course you got the straight-laced big brother (Skarsgard.) Oh, but as a slightly-different take on stereotypes, Alex doesn't have to wait till the end to actually get the girl. She becomes his fiancee early on. His only issue is working up to the nerve to ask her dad for permission to marry her. Which doesn't make a lot of sense when you think about it, as one usually asks such a thing *before* they actually, you know, ask the girl. The point is completely moot if both you and your fiancee are discussing the matter together.

Anyways, it's really not worth your time. The opening introduction to Alex is funny and promising in terms of character engagement and development but it just dips into a wave of action that hardly ever lets up.