Review of Bandidas (2006) by Jim M — 30 Jul 2010

Mexico, late 19th early 20th centuary: To build a railway threw Mexico an American bank buys out a Mexican one and sends down Tyler Jackson (Dwight Yoakim) to evict Mexican peasents who are defaulting on their loans, he does so by shooting them which of course pisses people of including Maria Alverez (Penelope Cruz) and Sara Sandoval (Salma Hayek) who take matters into their own hands by becoming bank robbers. They are eventually joined by an American criminoligist (Steve Zahn).

Let's see. You have Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek two hotty's who have the looks and physicality to pull this off, a cool concept (Mexican ladies on a rightous crime spree) and a script cowritten by Luc Besson, one of the finest action film makers out their, so how do you fuck this up? Well start with a PG-13 rating, have Cruz and Hayek bitch and moan like a couple of low rent Bad Boys knockoff''s, constantly try for lame physical humor (man fall down...funny, or not), have little action and make sure what little their is lacks any soret of energy (Bandidas=Action+Comedy-Action-Comedy), have one of your characters take pot shots at American foriegn policy in a shallow attempt to pretend this has half a chance at being anything more then an excuse to shoot Cruz and Hayeks clevage, have your main villian be one dimensional to the point of being a non entity (never once is Dwight Yoakim able to make me hate his character, the best a good muster was casual indifference even when he shots the innocent peasent. Probably doesn't help that his entire gettup is designed to make him look like a sex offender), throw in Steve Zahn in a role that serves only to annoy (seriously who owed him money, cause thats the only reason I can think of why anyone would write this character into the story), lastly point out how much everyone from the leads to extra's is phonning this shit in by having Sam Shepard pop up (he's phoning it in too but he's spent a career developing enough of an image for himself as a charater actor that he's easily able to act circles around everybody in this thing for the 5 minutes he's on screen).

That ladies and gents is how you take a concept that should be pure gold and turn it into crap. Or in other words, avoid.