Review of Babylon A.D. (2008) by Julian B — 13 Apr 2013

'Babylon A.D.', based on the novel by Maurice G. Dantec, and directed by French actor Mathieu Kassovitz, is a good looking mess. Kassovitz elevates the film with his stunning visuals which are unfortunately tagged along with material so bland and pointless, it's a wonder they saw fit to adapt it.

The story is about Toorop(horribly played by Vin Diesel) who gets a job to transfer a girl named Aurora(an annoying actress named Melanie Thierry) and her guardian, Rebeka(Michelle Yeoh, possibly the only good performance) from Russia to America. If you're wondering where the plot goes from this point, let me tell you: No where. Nothing much happens. Well, nothing that helps elevate the plot or characters anyway. There's a lot of extremely choppy, incoherent action sequences that have nothing to do with anything. Of course, there are several plot twists, but they're never expanded upon, and the villian(Charlotte Rampling) has nothing to do except look stern and bark orders at those beneath her. She's called the High Priestess of America. Yet, with all her authority, she has to carefully sneak this girl(who's apparently some computer child her father genetically engineered) into America, and fails.

Well, the screenplay likes to think it's being clever and profound, when really it's annoying as sin and corny as hell. Some of the worst lines since the last 'Star Wars' movie can be found being muttered out of Vin Diesel's mouth. The annoying girl, Aurora(who always has her hair and make-up done to perfection, even if they've just been in a massive explosion) makes me want to slit my wrists. She reads her lines as monotonous as Sophia Copolla in 'The Godfather: Part III'.

I just would really like to know the point of the film. Blah blah blah, organized religion is trying to take over America and all that crap, but seriously, nothing ties together in this movie. I'm not a big fan of movies that conclude in a pretty little bow by the end of the film, but come on. This movie has no conclusion. It has nothing to conclude. It has no plot, no drama, it's void of anything that makes a story work. It's pretty much three characters going from point A to point B in order to show us a lot of action sequences. But, the action sequences are so horribly shot and edited, that it's hard to tell or care for what's going on.

For it's credit, the set pieces are beautiful, and the scope of the film is incredible. My jaw dropped to the floor when I saw the visionary futuristic version of Manhattan. Even little things, like the apartment they stay in are visually astonishing and great to look at. But, so what. I don't care one bit about the characters, or whatever it is they're trying to accomplish(what is it? Jesus!). I wouldn't recommend the film. Maybe a rental, but you might as well turn the sound off and just look at it, cause that's all it's worth.