Review of Australia (2008) by Christiana K — 04 Apr 2012

It is no big secret, to those who know me closely, that if given the harrowing choice of Baz Luhrmann's movies, Cliff Richard's virginal testicles or The Bubonic Plague I would immediately way up the pros and cons of death by Rat bite against Christian genitals.

This hatred began when I struggled through the first five minutes of the horrendous Moulin Rouge! Shocked and appalled at the insanity of the frenetic editing and cursing the migraine it had given me, I vowed to hunt Baz down and kill him right where he stood. In front of his wife, husband or the general public (depending on who he was screwing that day.) Once dispatched I would begin my quest to prematurely and painfully end the life of my next arch enemy... Mr Michael Bay.

But that, that is another story.

In short it wasn't as bad as I had hoped/expected, however, save for a wonderful performance from newcomer Brad Walters who had me saying "Big fat cheeky bulls" over and over again for a long time, it has literally NOTHING going for it. The beautiful Australian outback is inexplicably spliced onto green screen at the first opportunity, the dialogue is typically "hilarious!" according to nobody but Baz, the acting is horribly hammed up (presumably as a failed homage to the old fashioned epic 'Big Movies' style of film-making reminiscent of the 50's) and the effects are just aesthetically painful.

All in all, a classic Baz Luhrmann piece. Derivative, shallow and utterly forgettable, needless to say, this one is best avoided.

Right. Now to find that bastard Bay.