Review of Assault on Precinct 13 (2005) by John C — 01 Apr 2011

Back in 1976, B-movie king John Carpenter gave us Assault On Precinct 13, a loose, immediate jolt to the senses that still stands as one of the best B-movies of all time. It was set in a nearly deserted prison in Los Angeles, and put a cop and some prisoners up against a street gang. The plot bit off the classic Rio Bravo, with John Wayne defending a jail, but Assault On Precinct 13 had a killer charm all its own, bolstered by Carpenter's synth score and his knack for palm-sweating tension.

This 2005 remake discards the original's B-movie spirit in favor of Hollywood grandiosity, including a convoluted plot, money and twenty more minutes than the original. Ethan Hawke stars as Sgt. Jake Roenick, a boozing, pill-addicted cop in command of the precinct, now in Detroit instead of L.A. This allows for a snowstorm to be incorporated, with special effects of course. It's New Year's Eve, the night before the precinct is scheduled to be shut down, and Jake is having issues with an old-school cop (Brian Dennehy) on the same night he's getting a visit from his shrink (Maria Bello) and carnal come-ons from his secretary (Drea de Matteo, chewing on lines like 'I fuck bad boys').

It's pretty clear director Jean-Francois Richet is a fan of Carpenter's film, but it's also maddeningly clear that he's missing the essence of that original film. It doesn't help that the script from James DeMonaco (The Negotiator) is littered with trite and clumsy character details that only serve to hold off the big action on the way, especially when Jake is bringing in four prisoners, Beck (John Leguizamo), Smiley (Ja Rule) and Anna (Aisha Hinds), typical movie thugs, nothing more. The main man is Bishop, the drug lord played with heat and real danger by Laurence Fishburne. Another twist in this remake is the invaders, changed from a faceless band of thugs to a band of crooked cops, led by Marcus (Gabriel Byrne), dead set on making sure Bishop doesn't testify against him.

This leads to Jake arming his prisoners, making them deputies and leading into tired crime cliches that play better on television. On top of that, the film just plays it way too safe. The ballsiest thing about it is the nice camerawork from Robert Gantz. But there's nothing as harsh and electrifying as in a scene from the original when a gang sniper kills a little girl complaining to her father that the ice cream man gave her the wrong flavor ('I wanted a vanilla twist" she says before she's taken out). This remake never wants to venture into that kind of territory, which is too bad for us.