Review of Armored (2009) by Frith W — 13 Jun 2010

This movie is actually pretty insufferable to sit through. The first 40 minutes of the movie, nothing of interest happens at ALL! I'm serious about that. There are some scenes showing Ty struggling to maintain his house.

But did it really need to be FORTY minutes before the movie actually got going? And it doesn't help matters that the movie is only about 83 minutes long (not including credits). So, legit, half the movie is over once the guys get to the abandoned steel factor or whatever the fuck it was.

And it doesn't get better once they get there. Ok maybe the movie does improve a little bit, but that's not really saying much. There's a really lame chase sequence between the trucks that ends right where it started, so it made the entire chase scene completely pointless and it was just a waste of 3 minutes.

The rest of the movie is spent by the villains trying to tear off the pins off the door of the truck and being idiots, while Ty outsmarts them. It's also really convenient how EVERY character bad guy EXCEPT Ty, so he can get away with basically losing 42 million dollars.

..FORTY TWO million dollars and the fucker gets away unscathed. What a terrible ending. Plus it's hard for me to want a character to succeed when he got ONE person killed because of his actions and almost caused the death of a cop.

So Ty is just a douche-nozzle. This movie kinda sucks and the only good thing about it is Fred Ward, he's such a tough-looking old guy that he has more charisma than everyone else in this movie combined.

I'd have rather seen Fred Ward shoot people for 90 minutes I'll tell you that right now. The cast of this movie is fine, but when you give them shit to work with, does it really matter? Sometimes a good cast can't save a shitty movie and that is the case here.

After I watched this movie, I thought "well that movie was bad but it's not like I hated it". Going over it here, I have been corrected...I do hate this movie. Not a lot but I do hate it.

I'll tell you this, I'd watch this movie a second time before I'd ever watch Transformers 2 or The Village again.