Review of Aquaman (2018) by Caleb D — 27 Dec 2018

I had 5 rolled tacos with a lot of sour cream before heading to the movie theater last night to see Aquaman. As soon as I got in the car, I felt some serious bubble gut coming on. The urgent feeling ebbed and flowed on the drive over, and I was feeling pretty confident about my chances of making it to the restroom of the Panda Express next to the theater.

I walked in, fully clenched, and to my dismay, found the single stall occupied. I then had the choice to try the women's room, or penguin walk across the street to a brewery that was sure to have an open stall or two.

Just then the urgency subsided, and I opted to head for the brewery. That proved to be overconfident and just as I approached the door, a small bit of flatulence weaseled it's way out. A few more steps and my fears were confirmed.

A small, but not insignificant, amount of liquid had escaped with the fart. I rushed into the restroom, and quickly found an empty stall. I unleashed the rest of the diarrhea, texted my wife that I shat my pants, and began cleaning up.

I quickly found that the boxers were total goners; however, the pants themselves could possibly be salvaged. I rubbed them vigorously with toilet paper and clean water from the toilet tank until the smell was completely gone.

I threw away the boxers, and rejoined my wife in the theater. She suggested that we get a refund, and go home so I could shower, and be closer to a toilet. I agreed. We watched Home Alone from our couch instead.

5 stars.