Review of Appleseed: Ex Machina (2007) by Yan I — 19 Jul 2008

Hello, furless monkeys. Your stubby-footed master is here to lay out how badly Appleseed: Ex Machina fell short of your penguinyness's expectations.

Now, first off, when I finally got a hold of this movie, I was excited. I put on a tuxedo and everything (though I'll admit us penguins tend to have such a garment on all the time, a gift and a curse.) However, soon after the beginning, I began to find myself dissapointed at the movie's lackluster simplicity.

Of course, the firsat scene was a whopper, it would have blown the mind of even a rabid polar bear. That's no mean feat, I've tried. The first bit to really slap me in the face like a trout jumping from the ice was the sountrack. The original Aplleseed did a right beutiful job of bombarding you with soundtracks just as epic as the constant exibition jumping off the screen at you.

However, E. M. here went for an oddly subdued, minimalist and almost entirely electronic number that left me dissapointed. This just isn't the movie for that soret of thing, people!

What really had me feeling rather sick to my stomach was that I was outguessing the movie when it should rightfully keep me uninformed. The plot was shallow and predictable at best and most definitely didn't compare to the beutifully (though sometimes annoyingly) confusing plot of the original.

What's worse is the final fight sequence that takes place in the zero-G lab had me incredibly disappointed. Sure, the last movie did a flight scene... but it featured some of the most massive death machines you apes have ever concieved, and they walked like spiders! Hah, you humans finally stopped making giant robots in your own image!

But, alas, the movile fortresses didn't find a good peer in this movie. The Zero-G lab fight was some crazy hack job done by monkeys with sutures - an attempted operation to merge the deathstar scren from Star Wars Ep. IV and the good but now hackneyed Zion fight from The Matrix Revolutions.

Now, I came in expecting oh so much. I had flailed my tiny, aquatic adapted arms in elation at hearing that the movie would get special treatment by none other than John Woo, of Matrix and Hard Boiled fame. But, alas, it seemed all they managed to get right was the gunplay. They could have done so much. But, oh, how you naked monkeys dissapoint the more money you're given to do something, just look at Iraq. Now THAT'S a boondoggle!

Goodbye, skin apes, until next time, Penguinface, out!