Review of Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid (2004) by Juliankennedy23 — 12 Jun 2014

Anacondas The Hunt for the Blood Red Orchid: 4/10: I had the following criticisms of the first Anaconda. How did the snakes get to the Amazon when they live hundreds of miles away in the Ecuadorian swamps, man those CGI snakes look really fake, and you know what this movie is missing? Some racist comic relief, you now with the scaredy cat black guy who follows Bob Hope around looking for ghosts. Well they answered my third concern.

The anacondas are still in the jungle now the film makers have now moved them to Borneo, which is in Asia, which seems a rather large slither from the swamps of Ecuador, in South America. It's kind of like finding tigers in Africa. (Perhaps the snakes escaped from a zoo.).

The snakes look okay while under water but fail miserably while airborne. Of course most snakes don't do flying well. (Though that would be an interesting explanation for their intercontinental migration.) The snake doesn't even really look right and the effects guys in the extras admit it is a combination of many snakes. (This must explain the fangs and why anacondas in the movie are surprisingly flammable.) Apparently real anacondas don't have the right 'tude.

With English accented villains, ship crushing waterfalls and paralyzing spiders, the movie comes awfully close to not needing the snakes at all. (This is my Amityville Horror 2 rule. In which the family was so awful a haunted house seemed redundant).

As for the actors only two stand out Morris Chestnut as the horrible and embarrassing black comic relief, and the monkey who is by far the best actor in the film and definitely needs a new agent. I'm serious the monkey has a Jack Nicholson Five Easy Pieces breakout performance.

Another helpful hint,if lost in the jungles of Borneo don't try to build a raft to Kota Bharu like the characters in the movie do. It is about a thousand kilometers of open ocean away as the anaconda flies.