Review of Anaconda (1997) by Matthew A — 01 Feb 2013

Treachery befalls a small group of documentary filmmakers when they decide to rescue a seedy poacher deep within the Amazon. Acting as a guide, the cutthroat snake catcher leads them right into the den of the jungle's deadliest predator, using them as the bait to trap his prize anaconda! So begins the seemingly endless supply of giant killer snake movies.

ANACONDA would quickly be followed by BOA, PYTHON, BOA VS PYTHON, and every other absurd combination known to man. The all-star cast and superior special effects do not keep ANACONDA from becoming just as cheesy and ridiculous as all the others, when in fact the increased budget only works against it since the film takes itself so damned seriously.

Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube top the charts once again, but this time to decide which Hip Hop artist can turn out the worst performance. Our scaly friend is handled kindly enough using a cross between computer animation and convincing animatronics, but what snake roars and stalks its prey over miles and miles of rugged jungle terrain? The only real pleasure comes from watching a crazed Jon Voight creep out his fellow cast members.

If you can make it through the rest of the boring picture, you also get to see a giant snake spit a monkey on a snooty Englishman. That's practically worth the price of admission alone, isn't it?