Review of An American Carol (2008) by Akira S — 03 Oct 2008

This is a bad movie. This is a really bad movie. There are several reasons for this, so lemme break it down for you.

First, from an actual "movie" standpoint, its all wrong. The way in which it was shot was OK, but the entire actual plot and character interaction, and even the acting job done by the actors was pretty subpar. It was all blown out of proportion and sensationalist, and I realize that the point of this movie from the outset was to be a spoof counter-point to Michael Moore's views, but the actors could have at least Tried to look as if they give a shit.

And now for the opinionated BS side of things. The movie is not entirely bad, it was written for a specific subset of the American population of which I am not a part of and therefore my opinion was biased before even going into the film, but the entire production was purely...susbtanceless, if I may make up a word. I know that there will be those who say "I'm taking this too serious" or that it was just a joke, but there is this underlying thought inside of me which says that while it may outwardly be a joke, there are some bits in here which ring very very true. First, lets talk about how WHITE everybody is. While there are people of color in the film, the entire time I felt like I was watching a 1950's "America is Awesome" propaganda shorts. I am not "anti-American", I would much rather live here than I would many other places but I think that people become to attached to a particular piece of land and decide to call it "their own". I will defend whats mine but I'm not going to pretend that mine is more important than somebody else'. Maybe thats why I don't have a girlfriend. Anyways, the movie is much like a Sarah Palin speech, you want to bang her and it isn't until after you do so and she's pregnant you realize what a dumb fucker you really are. There is no substance, no depth, nothing Interesting about this movie. Farley plays this stupid unlovable horny socialist who goes around spewing anti-americanism and then claims to want to destroy the 4th of July. I don't really know enough about Moore's politics (because I don't give a shit) to really say that this is false, but just from the outset deciding that somebody hates America simply because they are arguing against the idea that there was a "Pax-Americana" at one point in time is ridiculous! The kind of people who love this film are the kind of people who say that America needs to get back to the same way it was in the 40's and 50's, when it was in the habit of winning wars and we were in a state of perfect moral health. That is such and complete utter BS. The only reason we won WWII was because we shipped essentially the entire fuckin male population of the US overseas, we invested all we had in that war to vanquish an enemy WHO NEEDED TO BE DESTROYED. There is such a massive difference between the circumstances surrounding WWII and today that it cannot be effectively written in this tiny-ass fucking box.

One thing that REALLY got to me was the notion that College professors do little but shove Communist propaganda into the minds of students. Well if we're all fucking communists then why aren't you? Do you see yourself as some minority fighting against the "Big Brother Communists???" I don't understand this. The problem with this country is that we are living in 1776 in 1942 in 1985 in 2008. We are so stubbornly trying to "save our past" that we are completely blind to the future. And the notion that New York City is inherently devoid of many country music fans is probably true, but its not as if the entire rest of the fucking country has wet dreams about Trace Adkins.

The only thing I can commend the movie on is for trying to get the message across that we, both the irrational sensationalists and the rational communists, need to work together to make this country succeed and prosper, but it only bothers to save Micheal Moore, while throwing everybody else to the wayside as if they are all mindless, ignorant fools simply suckling the dick of everybody who utters dissenting comments about the American way of life! Of course people like that exist, but for the most part we exist in a world where more people are more informed about more things than ever before, and while you might not believe it from looking at the news accessibility to information leads to alot of people actually becoming informed. It is entirely possible to be an intelligent and coherent human being and still have the opinion, like I do, that America is obese and greedy and in need of some sort of cultural evolution to ensure that us and the rest of the world make it into the next level of consciousness. We can still hold onto the past and be proud of it, but we must, WE MUST, move on into and towards the future and we simply cannot do that while we have people glossing over our actual history with shallow, shiny, attention grabbing sensationalist BS like this movie.

And to the people who I saw this movie with, I know you probably loved it but come the fuck on....I had to do this.