Review of Aloha (2015) by Danny M — 03 Jun 2015

So, I saw "Aloha" today and it was pretty disastrous on several levels.

I mean, it makes for a good trailer... Bradley Cooper! Rachel McAdams! Emma Stone! John Krasinski! Alec Baldwin! Bill Murray! Hawaii! What's not to like (on the surface, at least)? But put it all together in this aimless mess and the result was disappointing.

It's very unclear what Bradley Cooper's character even really does. The plot very inorganically sets him up with "something heroic to do" that seems to exist outside of the actual story (not that the actual story is very clear).

Emma Stone is less convincing as a fighter pilot than she is as a character who is "a quarter Chinese and a quarter Hawaiian". Emma. Stone. Half-Asian. No, really... they even repeat this gaffe several times to uncomfortably draw EXTRA attention to it.

What a waste of Rachel McAdam's talent as she is given little to do except "not understand John Krasinski's character" and also "not have any chemistry with anyone". Oh... and her and Bradley Cooper? Is this an alternate universe "Wedding Crashers" sequel or something?

Danny McBride decided to have his sole character trait as "doing weird shit with my fingers" throughout the movie. Nice choice, Danny. That wasn't distracting or unnecessary at all. Alec Baldwin shows up to reprise his famous "Glengarry Glen Ross" moment where he yells at people (but THIS TIME he's in a military costume... so it's different!).

John Krasinski is playing essentially a non-speaking role with a recurring comedic bit that seems out-of-place with the tone of the rest of the movie. Oh, and this bears repeating... What exactly IS the tone of this movie? I, along with everyone who worked on the film, cannot really figure out what that is supposed to be. Comedy? Drama? Romance? Romantic comedy? Spy thriller? Adam Sandler movie without Adam Sandler? It seems that "Aloha" is trying to be all things to all people, and in doing so, it ends up being nothing. Oh, and did I mention Bill Murray is playing like a James Bond villain or something?

The only thing that IS clear about this movie is that everyone working on it wanted a trip to Hawaii.