Review of All About Steve (2009) by Crankyfranky — 11 Jan 2012

I don't know where to start. I'm not sure what I just watched but I know I don't like the way I feel nor exactly how to describe it. A little disturbed perhaps....... discombobulated even (I've been wanting to use that for ages). Such a weird movie, I want to remove the memory of it from my brain and I never want to see red boots again. Although with the sound down she looked amazing in them. It's driven me to write this, my first review ever because of the profoundly diminishing effect it had on what should be my happy times. Thankfully it was on tv so it didn't cost me anything other than 90 minutes of my life damn it.

I don't even really know who to blame, probably the screenwriter. Certainly not Sandra Bullock; unless I read the screenplay (I never will) I couldn't even judge whether her acting was deserving of the razzie as she may have actually performed an Oscar-worthy turn in this movie, more so than the Blind Side. You can't blame the casting agents- they've got some great talent in the film. Sandra Bullock's agent, however, should have talked her out of this one. Anyway Church was good, Cooper was not as good as usual and Jeung's brilliant comedic talent and timing was wasted in a pathetic sidekick role (to a secondary character) without any punchy lines or even sight gags- or maybe his shirt and tie was funny?

The plot could have worked as you don't really need much of a plot for romcoms. For example (and I will sell this to the highest bidder) misfit meets completely unlikely partner, don't see eye to eye at first, become friends and start hanging out, one has a partner and some funny penis-size related gags occur, one falls for the other and declares undying love, uh-oh! non- reciprocated undying love awwwwww, can't be friends anymore because too embarrassed, non-reciprocator suddenly realises through a montage of slow- motion (seemingly innocuous at the time) experiences from throughout the movie (with greenday's time of your life in the background) that what they've been missing all their life was there right in front of them all that time so they should run to the rejected purveyor of undying love but what's this? It's too late, the embarrassed purveyor moved on with someone very lovely blah blah blah they break up and the original two get together in the unlikeliest of circumstances and probably finish the movie on a gag that leaves us laughing and feeling good as we walk out. .

I did not have this feeling as the credits rolled on All About Steve and I think I have figured out the reason for this in the last couple of weeks as I can pick a stinker of a movie or two. Here is my theory- it is very hard to produce a great movie without a likable protagonist. Case in point, Against The Ropes (or something like that) starring Meg Ryan and Omar Epps. Both have had very good careers at certain stages and played some truly memorable roles that I unfortunately can't remember right now. Anyway, the fact that Meg Ryan's character was so imminently unlikeable in any way prevented me from wanting her to succeed or have anything but bad things happen to her. So with a plot that (employing more than a little license) told the real life story of a female boxing promoter, I found myself googling the plot halfway through the movie and hoping some misery would befall her to assuage my desire for her downfall. .

Therein lies the problem with All About Steve. I didn't like any of the characters but most importantly I didn't like Mary **** she was annoying and paradoxically (but admittedly commonplace in the real world) both super-intelligent and a complete moron depending on what the particular scene called for. I wanted her to drown in that well and if I had anything to do with orchestrating the rescue she would still be down there now scratching crossword puzzles into the wall that would one day be unearthed and  revered by future generations as proof of higher intelligence amongst their cave-dwelling primate predecessors. the end.