Review of Alice Through the Looking Glass (2016) by Casi H — 29 May 2016

Oh my. I hardly know where to begin with this one. I'm going to try and break it up into chunks so it's not so overwhelming. This review will contain spoilers. A lot of them.

THE STORY.

So, I'll say this. It's not the worst film I've ever seen. It just...wasn't very interesting. And that's a pretty big problem. I guess the problem I have most with this film and it's predecessor is sort of the opposite problem I had with Great and Powerful Oz. You see, in that film, they forgot that Oz is not, in fact, Wonderland. Oz is supposed to be a real place, with rules, and monarchies, and battles, and politics. It was built that way from the beginning. Wonderland, on the other hand, was a land of nonsense. Of dreams. It was supposed to make no sense and be misleading, and confusing. So when you take a world like that and try to impose rules and order on it, you lose a lot. Too much in my opinion. I suppose I can't fault this film as much as the original since it's not even claiming to be Wonderland really, it's straight up Burton Underland without the misleading title. But I, for one, didn't come to "wonderland" to hear about the Hatter's overbearing father who told him to be sober and sane. That is not what this world is about.

The story itself though? I suppose the bottom line is that I just didn't care. I never felt like the stakes were really real. Mostly I just felt bored. There was one point where the narrative takes a hard left into an insane asylum for no apparent reason I could tell beyond extending the run time. The whole scene lasted about five minutes, and changed nothing, so why bother including it? Was it to play up the "Maybe she's really mad!!" angle? Because if so, then it should probably have affected some of the things that happened later in the story. But it doesn't. So what was the point? That was the way I felt about most thing. What was the point of giving the Hatter a mundane family story? What was the point of giving a reason for the red queen's head? This is Wonderland, where you could literally tell any story at all, and you picked this one? WHY?

THE SCENERY.

The one thing I went into this movie thinking was "At least it'll be pretty to look at." Boy was I wrong. We spend far more time in generic fantasy/faux England settings than anywhere else. I know that when I think Wonderland...I think cobblestone squares with businesses and stodgy hat makers. Clearly. I couldn't even be excited about the costumes! They were nowhere near as interesting as the ones from the first film and I spent most of the first half staring at Alice's feet, which, in keeping with her "Chinese" garb, were shoed in such a way that it was meant to mimic the look of tiny feet, popular in China at the time...also known as foot binding. And near the end? The Hatter's eye make up turned his eyes into tiny mouths with nashing teeth and I could hardly look at them.

THE CAST.

I do have some good things to say about the cast, but let's start with my one big gripe. Anne Hathaway used to be a good actor didn't she? I mean, she has an oscar, isn't that supposed to mean something? In the first film, she had perfect period movement for stage. So perfect, in fact, I used it as an example to explain it to high school students. In this film? All she did was wave her arms around and twiddle her fingers.

Our Alice at least got better. She has emotions in this film. She reacts to things. A vast improvement to her first performance.

The real shining moment for me in this was Time. I'm not usually a fan of Mr. Cohen, but in this? I really enjoyed every seen he was in. While his strange accent was, at times, distracting, he was, oddly enough, the most Wonderland of all the characters. His performance was surprisingly understated, his design was interesting, and I was far more invested in him than I was in literally any of the characters, including those who had come from the first film. I would watch a movie just about him.

THE ENDING.

I won't waste much time on this because...honestly...the movie didn't. The entire thing culminated in what? I big, dumb chase. A chase where I never felt worried, at any point, that they would fail. So every long minute of it felt like it dragged on and on and on. Then, imagine my surprise when it looked, for one brief moment, like it might actually end differently than anticipated. I was shocked! I was interested! Suddenly I was asking how they would fix this, how they would get out....oh....it's a fake out. Just kidding.

Am I sad I saw it? No...I guess not. It's not really giving any bad messages, it's not offensive in any way, and there are worse ways to spend a couple of hours. But there are far better ones, too. I'm glad I was there to see Time's story, but that's about all I can say for this film. I would say give this one a pass. Wait for it to hit netflix or amazon. The 3D wasn't even that engaging, so save your money and see it at home.