Review of Alexander (2004) by Ollie W — 10 Dec 2011

Oliver Stone's bloated slice of irreverent hokum is about as ill-judged and unintentionally hilarious as possible, with Farrell frolicking about with his inexplicable Irish lilt, hopelessly camp locks and bi-sexuality thrust upon an unwilling audience with all the subtlety of Val Kilmer's double chin, while Jolie attempts to ooze european sexuality and instead ends up resembling a German doctor with a penchant for incestual affection, slippery snakes and non-consentual bum-sex.

Rosario's bountiful breasts make a brief and welcome appearance in a rather grimy sex scene (think of Farrell's tight buns going into overdrive and your half-way there) and Kilmer is entertaining as the gruff, drunk Father, but perhaps the only stand-out scene is a sumptuously shot, gloriously dramatic stand-off between a doomed Alexander and a rearing Elephant in beautiful slow-motion that might be the only thing that is left comfortably in the memory.