Review of Airplane vs Volcano (2014) by David H — 01 Feb 2015

Oh, my goodness. Where to begin?

Once upon a time there was a movie named "Airport" which had a clever notion: Wouldn't it be fun to send a passenger jet filled with an all-star cast and piloted by two screen legends into the sky, play out a few mini-dramas around a cliche bomb-on-the-plane maxi-drama, and finally deliver the plane and its precious human cargo from certain disaster? They were right. It was a great idea, and it made a very good movie. It has also inspired a dreary series of clones and rip-offs over the last 40 years. Now comes without any doubt the absolute pits of this genre, the least dramatic movie that could possibly have been inspired by "Airport" or any other movie, "Airplane vs. Volcano".

It's so bad, maybe you should pool your money, draw straws, and send one of the guys off to rent it so that in the future, whenever you think you're sitting through a bad movie, he could shake his head, chuckle tolerantly, and explain that you don't know what bad is. This is the kind of movie that is ridiculous from beginning to end -- title, premise, plot, acting -- especially the acting. Okay, Robin Givens and Dean Cain try their best with a laughable script; but most of the rest should be ashamed of themselves. The guy playing the standard-issue Military Officer in Charge Who Makes All the Wrong Decisions, for example; to call his performance wooden is an insult to wood.

Among the many questions raised by "Airplane vs. Volcano", the easiest is: What were Givens and Cain thinking? Did they need the money that badly? The second easiest is: Why did the writers and producers think that there was enough suspense-of-disbelief in the world to permit even a single audience member to buy this ridiculous plot? Not even Givens in a skin-tight halter top can make this one worth wasting even a minute of your time.