Review of Æon Flux (2005) by Steven N — 07 Sep 2009

At one point in my youth I marked out for the old Aeon Flux shorts that aired on MTV's Liquid Television back in the day like no ones business. I loved everything about those things. The animation, the completely nonsensical story, the overall coo-coo bird weirdness, I loved every minute of it.

Because of that, I was actually sort of, with a fair amount of trepidation, kind of looking forward to this live action remake. Ohh boy was that a miscalculation on my part. More of a miscalculation than when we used to think the word was flat.

When you get rid of the cool animation, replace it with with bad animation and Charlieze Theron... well, lets just say it isn't very cool anymore. In fact, it's actually pretty stupid. This movie is terrible.

The story is a pile of crap, the acting is two piles of crap, and the movie looks like a third pile of crap crapped on top of the previous (still quite steamy) two. Usually I like to give a brief plot synopsis in these reviews, but it's really not necessary in the case of "Aeon Flux.

" They didn't take the time to write a story, so I'm not going to take the time to summarize it. My advice to anyone reading this review is to ignore this film. Everything about it is bad.

It even fails on the very basic "cool action shot" scale, and it fails miserably. Trust me. It's a waste of your time. Even if you simply want to stare at Charlize Theron prance around in skin tight leather, it's still a waste of time.

I don't even care if all you normally do is spend your time staring at a clock, counting seconds away in a darkened room - it's still a waste of your time. Skip this one.