Review of Ad Astra (2019) by Inopinatus — 28 Sep 2019

Excruciating, nails-down-the-blackboard stuff for anyone with a science education or familiarity with the works of Joseph Conrad or human behaviour. This hairdo edition of Heart of Darkness violates basic physics in practically every scene, and the storyline, far from reaching for the stars as the title might suggest, never gets past reaching for the mood stabiliser pills.

The narrative construction is ridiculous from start to finish, whether it's the confected "power surge" crisis, the moon pirates, the decades-long but oddly mundane exploratory mission, the Murderous Space Baboon (no, really), or the gross misunderstanding of Project Orion-style propulsion, and everything in between.

Brad Pitt's flat affect is ideal for portraying a man with a flat affect and unresolved issues with his father, but there's little depth of hidden feeling here.

The director intended for the film to feature "the most realistic depiction of space travel that's been put in a movie". Well, it ain't. It's one of the least realistic. The rocketry is drivel from start to finish. Konstantin Tsiolkovsky is turning in his grave. The depiction of orbital mechanics is not merely flawed; major plot elements of the film depend on them being radically different to real world physics.

There are three scenes with aerodynamic significance. In the first, where aerodynamics are used to create a false sense of danger, there isn't any real danger, and in the second and third, the director seems to be entirely unaware that in the real world the maneuvers depicted would be sensationally difficult, dangerous, and probably fatal.

The idea that a spaceship on interplanetary transfer can make a quick "stop" to board another one is as absurd as the (impossibly) brief transfer they were already making. Basically the director has assumed that humans can survive G-forces that would turn real people into smeared pulp.

The energy physics of the confected "crisis" involving "antimatter surges" is just invented babble.

The idea of traveling to Mars, in person just to radio Neptune is drivel. We already have bidirectional radios and relay stations reaching further.

The psychology of every crew depicted has more in common with schlocky sci-fi-horror video games than with real-world hiring practices. Basically it's your choice between steely-eyed-missile-men, or hopeless flakes that in a highly regulated society (such as that depicted) would never have been in a cockpit at all.

There isn't a single scene that stands up to a moment's scientific scrutiny. Comparisons with 2001, Gravity, or even Interstellar are just bunk.

There isn't a single scene of literary significance, either. Comparisons with Heart of Darkness are fair, but unlike Coppola's work, only negative ones. All the allegorical significance is clobbered by the effort to portray a character rather than a society.

In the end, it turns out that Ruth Negga's turn as a burned-out Martian is the only good thing in this film, and her outfit rocks.