Review of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012) by John T — 31 Jan 2014

A biographical fantasy of the life of Abraham Lincoln with the added twist that he was also a vampire hunter. When his mother is killed when he is a young boy, Lincoln devotes his life to destroying the vampires who killed her. SOmehow the producers managed to work his vampire hunting into the major aspects of Lincoln's life including, his studying to be a lawyer, his courtship of Mary Todd, his debates with Stephen Douglas and his prosecution of the Civil War. On this last point we are asked to totally suspend reality: the Confederacy was populated by vampires who use slaves for food; ending slavery would cause the vampires to retaliate against the Union. Moreover, the Battle of Gettysburg was lost until Lincoln himself - in superhero fashion - ensures the delivery of silver armaments to defeat the Confederate vampire army.

The producers and writers obviously thought that meshing the life of the 16th President with our fascination for vampires would make an interesting story. They were wrong. If you want to see the former, see Daniel Day Lewis' portrayal of Lincoln. If you want to see the latter, watch an episode of True Blood.