Review of A Room with a View (1986) by Brett H — 27 Sep 2016

A Room With A View is the critically lauded film that follows a young, British girl's romantic endeavors and her decision to choose between her safe, boring fiancé or the unpredictable and care-free man she met during a holiday: kill me now.

This film almost drove me insane trying to get through it and with the acting caliber, array of awards, and critical reception it has, I expected to be blown away - yet I found it hard to even keep my eyes open during this SNOOZE.

The story, based on the book of the same name, begins with an upper-class girl and her cousin on vacation literally complaining that their hotel room has a lousy view, and soon meet two men who agree to swap rooms because they have a better view and don't have much need for it.

This takes up the majority of the first act and all I could think was, White People Problems: The Movie. From there it plays out like any other love triangle story and I lost patience with this dud FAST.

The film stars British acting greats like Helena Bonham Carter, Judi Dench, Maggie Smith, Julian Sands, and Daniel Day-Lewis, which invokes a certain respectability and aura around the film; but my god, I had to get through it in shifts because I just couldn't take the monotony.

The characters are pretty much lifeless and I felt no chemistry between Bonham Carter and either of her suitors; though her amateur acting may have been the cause - this was her first film role. To add insult to injury, there is a bizarre sequence halfway through when three of the main actors go for an extremely homoerotic swim, completely nude, and you get to see their penises flopping about for a good five minutes while they "wrestle" with each other.

I understand that this scene was in the book, and is supposed to represent innocence and care-free youth but a) it comes out of nowhere, and b) is in a film rated PG! By the end, I knew how it was all going to wrap up and I couldn't have been happier to have this "classic" out of my life; it's two hours I'm never going to get back.

I can sit through a bad film and still find enjoyment, but this was straight-up torture and it played like a straight-to-video, Jane Austen knock-off. Obviously not recommending this chick-flick from hell and I have no shame strongly disagreeing with the critics on this one.