Review of A Quiet Place (2018) by Realmuthaf — 13 Apr 2018

Praise from the critics, 8.2 on IMDb, did I watch the correct movie?

A Quiet Place is one of the dumbest and most boring flicks I have ever seen. For a movie that positions itself as a horror title it has zero suspense and scary moments. The only scary thing about is is how people seem to praise it despite it being unoriginal dull garbage.

With the premise being "humans are hunted by blind monsters that react to loud noises", this basically becomes "Screamer, the movie", as this is the only trick that Krasinski offers - everything is silent, and sharp noises occur occasionally.

There is no plot in a Quiet Place. A moronic family just goes about their business and cannot muster some sort of a sound-proof room to be able to talk in, instead they use the sign language and go to a waterfall to scream. Yeah, I didn't make that up, the writers did. They do have a basement which they cover with a mattress and it seems to help, but for whatever reason they don't do it regularly. Also, in the beginning act the parents lose their youngest child whom they failed to teach properly that if he makes sounds he will die. What do they do after his death? Well they go ahead and make a new one! And then they put the baby in a coffin to muffle its cooing!

What else is there? Krasinski, apparently, has a foot fetish, as shots of naked feet occur every 5 minutes or so. The mute plump girl needs 3 damn occasions to understand that her hearing aid drives the monsters back. The film lasts an hour and a half, but most of the scenes are either too long or unnecessary at all. (Like with the old man in the woods.) The family survives for around a year, yet the father still can't properly hunt fish, he just grabs it with bare hands and it slips away, genius. The monsters are described as "indestructible" in the newspapers, yet they die from a single shotgun headshot. This is just what I remember off the bat, a Quiet Place offers even more idiotic character actions and dull predictable scenes.

Apparently this is John Krasinski's directorial debut. Well, at least he shouldn't have trouble improving on himself later with the bar set so low.