Review of A Quiet Place (2018) by Kenton V — 05 Jan 2019

Amazing idea, horrendous execution.

Movie is full of inconsistencies, wtf moments and scenes that made literally no sense whatsoever. Whole thing sums up to rather cheesy silent flick without any particular depth to it. Its plain boring.

There is one amazing feature in this movie. It amazed me how they managed to survive this long, considering that this family does exceptionally stupid things every 5 minutes. With apparently most of humanity perishing, the fact that this band of imbeciles lasted that long is nothing short of a miracle. Considering extremely unique circumstances, this movie could be so much more, than just extremely lame lite version of silent post-apocalyptic farm.

What kind of horrible parents those two are ? Its been 3 months, yet they failed to teach kids basics of survival in current situation, where silence is literally everything. Leading to initial events of this movie. And somehow a year later things only got worse. Perhaps humanity deserves to get wiped out with such parenting.

Amount of sand that this family would need would be enormous, to make those little pathways, as it would be constantly carried away by wind and rain.

Spoiled brat that thinks she knows about electronics more than her father. No wonder she got her brother killed, probably had zero discipline at home and learned nothing about responsibility.

Then there was this magical corn, that apparently changed it density several times within few minutes. First boy was just sinking in it, then he magically pulls himself out somehow with little to no effort. Then daughter started sinking(because apparently she let go of magical door). Boy climbs on that door and imbued with full magical powers of said door, simply pulls her out...with one stretched hand, with no leverage... MAGIC. But it only gets better, as then monster bursts in and they hide UNDER that door, with no sinking in corn or any other inconveniences. At all. Most importantly monster is apparently made out of styrofoam, because despite him trashing around, he seem to have no issues with sinking in said corn. Regardless of him being twice the size of an average man and having enough mass to shake truck as it was a toy. MAGIC.

Then there was absolutely atrocious scene with kitchen timer. Why, ohh why, director thought this idiocy was a good plot point ?!?! You want that monster out of that area, not having him attacking that timer. Because first, you are there and second, its middle of your home. Most logical approach would be sitting quietly and waiting for him to go away, as he seem to operate solely by sound. No sounds = no reason for him to hang around.

Scene with nail was as forced as most of events. Seriously, who just pulls on a bag in hopes that it will get lose ?!?! Especially in given circumstances. You would want to avoid sudden movements and actions, most definitely to apply unnecessary force, as all of those may result in a lot of noise, deadly noise, that would draw those freaks to you. Cmon, put some effort into it.

Family has been at that farm for a while by then, at least several months, judging by amount of electronics piled together. Yet I see absolutely zero attempts at anything even resembling soundproofing. Because what for, its not exactly that only real threat in this world is sound-sensitive monsters. Ohh, wait...

But they did have time and put a lot of effort into rigging whole place with probably kilometers of cable and light bulbs. Because they are extremely effective against those monsters. Or something... Because those suckers move extremely fast, so by the time you see them, they will be already dissecting you. But sure, lets put Christmas lights everywhere. After all we have magical supply of unlimited power. Just so that we could later have dinner with candles. Brilliant.

Another example of this family being fellowship of idiots is the fact that woman got pregnant(after world went to hell). Seriously ?!!?!? Who thought it was a good idea ?!!? Humanity is almost exterminated apparently and they thought that best course of action is to fuck another kid into this world(because already having two is just not enough problems). Life is just too good out there, that having a kid, that will cry nonstop for several months, is a perfect addition to it. No to soundproofing, yes to crying toddler.

That daughter of theirs was actual reason for half the bad things that happened in this movie. Practically every decision she made lead to catastrophe.

Amount of power they would need to run everything 24/7 would be enormous, comparable to that of a city block. Where does it come from ? Considering how much time has passed and how sensitive those creatures are to sounds, no power plant would be operational. And to generate that much power with something like solar, theyd need a whole field of photovoltaic panels, not to mention barn full of batteries to last thru the night.

And ending. Ohh boy, a perfect ending to a perfect movie. It couldnt be any more cringy. Father is dead, house is trashed, woman that just gave birth, two kids and a toddler. But sure, lets play endearing music and pump that shotgun and boost those speakers. As if they have any chance of surviving those four monsters rushing towards house.

And how to hell does hat monster navigate it environment ? Whoever designed it is an idiot. If it only can navigate by sound, when it armor plates are open,then when attacked and plates closed, it shouldnt be able to hear anything. Meaning that it cant "see" it attacker when it is in defense mode. While dropping that mode makes it vulnerable. Logic - 0, stupidity - 1. How it survive with such poor evolutionary design, not to mention wiping out humanity, is a mystery. As are most things in this movie. You have monster that shouldnt have survived natural selection, pitted against family that suffers from same problem.

Only actually interesting thing in whole movie was cochlear implant narrative(whole frequency part was great). Sign language part was good and logical.

Because rest of the movie makes absolutely zero sense given specific circumstances that dictate event logic. Anything even remotely related to actual survival is completely absent, as there is no indicators that family suffers from shortages of anything. They are utterly unprepared(nothing is padded, nothing is secured, there is junk everywhere), in any shape or form, to face monsters or have anything even remotely resembling defensez, even most rudimentary ones. But hey do have a basement full of televisions, monitors, radios and stereos, for some unknown reason(even tho they seem to be unable to catch anything even on radio). But no walls of boobytraps(ffs, father could have sirens installed on various ends of farm to distract monsters in case of attack, but nope, Christmas lights are the way to go). Everyone in this family is apparently a clinical moron, as most of the things they do do not make any sense in given circumstances.