Review of 2012 (2009) by Dutch E — 27 Dec 2012

Through its development stage...

ROLAND (EMMERICH): "What scenes do we have?".

HAROLD (KLOSER): "I've started out with a fascinating analysis of the Mayan's long count calendar as it pertains to the cycle of death and rebirth, and the end of the world.....".

EMMERICH: "Boring! Nobody wants to see that! Next idea!".

KLOSER: "I've also outlined a number of scenes that use the end of the world in the film as a parable for real life. The way that we're deliberately destroying the Earth with depleting the ozone layer, destroying the rainforests, hunting species to extinct.....".

EMMERICH: "Boring! Goddammit! When I ask you for scenes I don't want bullshit. I want real movie scenes.".

MARK GORDON & LARRY FRANCO (PRODUCERS): "We've got some ideas.".

EMMERICH: "Go on.".

PRODUCERS: "One scene will show a family narrowly escaping Los Angeles in a plane while the ground is destroyed by earthquakes! Buildings will be crashing down all around them!".

EMMERICH: "Awesome! :) What else?!".

PRODUCERS: "Another scene will show a bunch of people die when Yellowstone National Park explodes!".

EMMERICH: "Yes!!! 8-D".

PRODUCERS: "And how about a scene where a giant tsunami throws an aircraft carrier into the White House?".

EMMERICH: "Amazing! You're a genius! ;-].

*they gave high-five to each other*.

EMMERICH: "Now that's how you write a mother-of-all-fucking apocalypse movie!".

KLOSER: "Excuse me, how are we going to tie those scenes together?".

EMMERICH: "Who cares? Just throw some shit together. Nobody will pay attention to that crap anyway.".

During its screening period...

ME [after finished watching the film]: "Wait a second.....if such a doomsday date was set just a couple of days before Christ's birthday, WHERE THE HECK ARE ALL THE UPCOMING CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS!!??? }X-L Well, what saved this flick from me giving it a rotten rating is John Cusack's acting as a believable father, an unsuccessful author, yet an optimistic hero concerning the manner he weathers all kinds of natural catastrophes happening around him together with his family whilst rescuing them along the way, at least.".

My Rating: 3/5 stars; Grade: B-; Gesture: Thumbs Sideways; Status: Passable (Fresh); Emoticon: :-I.