Review of 12 Rounds (2009) by Sidney S — 18 Jan 2011

From the director of Die Hard 2 comes a film very similar to Die Hard 3, except instead of Bruce Willis we have wrestling superstar John Cena and instead of Sam jackson we have Brian J. White (I'll be brutally honest. I had to look him up to see who he was and if he has starred in anything more well known. He really hasn't.) So far so good? In a word, "No".

12 Rounds is one of those films that finds itself in that awkward "no man's land' that no action movie ever wants to be in. It's nowhere near good enough to be considered a proper action classic like the original Die Hard or First Blood. On the flip side it doesn't have that "so ludicrous it's good" quality either (take Schwarzenegger's Commando as an example). It's just bad enough to be considered a poor movie.

So what's wrong with 12 Rounds? Well for starters John Cena, while arguably the most popular wrestler in the world right now, is no leading man. He just doesn't have the charisma to be the lead character for over an hour. In fact most hard core wrestling fans will tell you that Cena's main flaw in wrestling is his lack of microphone skills - in other words acting ability.

The script itself isn't up to much. It comes across as a collection of ideas for Die Hard 3 that were not used (for obvious reasons). The action scenes are for the most part uninspired, while the majority of the quips and one-liners (the life blood of the cheesey action genre) fall flat.

Then there is the villain (played by Aiden Gillen) who sports one of the worst fake Irish accents ever commited to film (and that is saying something as there have been some absolute shockers down through the ages!). I know it might seem a tad bit petty to be so critical of the bad guy's accent in an action film, but it really is that cringeworthy. seriously, it's like he got elocution lessons from the wrestling character Sheamus O'Shaunessy... while drunk... really REALLY drunk! It's just one of those things that removes any real menace from the bad guy, making him seem more like a bad joke than someone capable of threatening the man mountain that is John Cena.

Are there any redeeming qualities for 12 Rounds? They are few and far between. There is the odd funny gag in there and there is one scene at the start of the film where supercop Cena somehow manages to outrun a speeding car (literally - he was on foot) and then stops it by grabbing a boat (A MOTHERF#CKING BOAT!!!!) and launching it at said car. It's a surreal scene alright. You might even want to rent the movie for this alone, but you'd probably be best off downing a few beers before watching the rest of the film. Then you can ad your own narration to it. Chances are you will enjoy it more this way.