Review of 10,000 BC (2008) by Chads. — 10 Mar 2008

"10,000 B.C." is "Apocalypto" for bright toddlers(dummies is too harsh and insulting to the bright toddlers). Mel Gibson may have issues with the chosen people, but give the guy some credit.

The Mayans didn't speak English. Neither did people who lived during the Paleolithic period. But in "10,000 B.C.", they do. And it's distracting. Especially so when another tribe speaks a dissimilar language.

This difference reminds me of the animated animals in Disney films. Goofy talks. Pluto talks like a dog. It makes no intellectual sense. It's all arbitrary. Just like the assignment of languages to the warring tribes.

"10,000 B.C." might as well be a cartoon, a cartoon by Hanna Barbera, that is. As previously stated, this movie will entertain bright toddlers, or the bright toddler in the television-addled viewer.

For pete's sake, a narrator? Really? Communicating through hieroglyphics, not expressive enough? And the half-hearted(PG-13 sanctioned) human sacrifices to the gods made me yearn for the Grand Guginol scale of decapitations in "Apocalypto".

Gibson knows how to photograph a rolling head. He also knows a thing or two about keeping it real. Any historical film is capable of withstanding an anachorism, here and there, but "10,000 B.C." never comes close to establishing time and place.

Although "Quest for Fire" looks the worst production of "Cirque du Soleil" you ever saw, give that film its props for inventing their own language. Rae Dawn-Chong, where are you? "10,000 B.

C." needs you, not that Lindsey Lohan-lookalike.