Review of Ice Spiders (2007) by Jessie E — 04 Jan 2008

PROTIP: The spiders aren't actually made out of ice. They're just spiders in an icy region, which seems like such a waste of potential to me.

As a legitimate movie, this is seriously scraping the bottom of the barrel even for the Sci-Fi channel, but as a hapless target for mockery it does a pretty great job. Vanessa Williams, playing a "smart...and HOT" scientist, has the most bizarre reactions to everything she sees. Half of her scenes end in comedy after she makes some sort of inhuman noise or face. Patrick Muldoon, who thought he was in on the joke, is so blatant in his winking to the audience that it really just becomes annoying. The spiders themselves give the best performances of all, poorly animated to the point of hilarity.

This one is a for-sure stinker, but if your friends are the kind who love to belittle the hopes and dreams of a fledgling filmmaker, these would be 86 minutes well spent.